(When) Things feel hard
Our interior landscape can be a rocky place even when things outside seem fine. But when the outside world feels in peril, maintaining our mental states are even harder.
If you’re a fellow grammar nerd, you noticed the parenthesis. “When Things Feel Hard” would be an expected title coming from a newsletter on Resilience. I would go on to talk about tools for combatting feelings of overwhelm or anxiety. It would be a good newsletter (if I do say so myself). But I didn’t want to make this a general “tools for hard times” type of letter. I’m being very specific. Things, in life, individually and globally, feel hard right now.
This edition will still include some research and tools for creating a good life (stick with me, read along, and we’ll all feel lighter by the end of this note) but I couldn’t jump into my planned topic without first taking a moment to acknowledge how the world seems to be simmering and shaking on its axis. So, very intentionally, the title is: Things Feel Hard. Close friends are going through breakups, separations and divorces. The government is divided. The world is divided. Everyday life has become too expensive for many people to afford (which means that the American Dream is in jeopardy). Friends are sorting through new health diagnoses. And now, “atrocity” is a word we’re hearing daily.
It feels like we’ve been here before—at different stages and in different ages in our history; as a people, as a country, as a world—and yet it bludgeons us anew.
I don’t have answers for any of it. The best I can offer is a perspective that might let some light in.
And that’s why I don’t want to forego my original plan for this week’s newsletter, a look at how we can live longer by living better. Because as our world shakes, we can still care for ourselves. And if that feels selfish, let me say it even more directly: we must absolutely care for ourselves. (Hold on while I take a short detour for the Self-Care Advocacy Brigade.) If we feel overwhelmed by world events, bringing focus in can give a sense of control when we need it most. Caring for our own needs (even if only briefly) can have lasting effects. It’s the ripple on the lake that keeps radiating out to others. No, we can’t solve all the world’s problems, but by better caring for ourselves, we can help others.
So, let’s talk about what taking care of ourselves could look like. I’m not thinking about fads or immediate fixes. I’m thinking looong term. 100 years kinda long term.
Back in 2000, Sardinia, Italy was studied for its extraordinary longevity. Then more researchers started studying communities around the globe where people were living longer and, most importantly, better. (Because, we don’t just want a long life, we want a long good life.)
They found that in Okinawa, Japan; Sardinia, Italy; Nicoya, Costa Rica; Ikaria, Greece; and Loma Linda, California, there were larger-than-normal populations of 100+ year olds (the researchers called these Blue Zones), and in looking for the reason *why* they found some commonalities:
They eat a plant heavy diet, including legumes
Moderate regular exercise, i.e. they walk daily
Moderate alcohol intake
Get adequate sleep
And have social networks, including family or spiritual networks.
I’m not here to tell you to cut down on alcohol but I am here to remind you that Resilience isn’t a solo job.
As we try to make our way through tough moments—personally and in relation to world events—we need to be with others. Yes, call a friend. Yes, get together for a walk. Yes, go out in public if only to observe others interacting (and listen in to their conversations at coffee shops, or is that just me?) Yes, join a group—a mom group, a pottery class, a gardening team (is that a thing? Could it be?)
I’m not telling you what to do—hold. Correction: I am telling you what to do—but most importantly I’m trying to communicate the importance of community. Of finding your people or even people who are just sorta your people. I think that as we seek interaction digitally and in virtual communities (which can absolutely provide support), we might forget to save some of that time and energy for going outside of our house and working in concert with others, even if that’s only to sing a hymn or kick a soccer ball.
These people who are living and walking and eating and drinking into their triple digits have people around them. Of course there are a myriad of factors at play, but maybe just the knowledge that they were a part of a larger group helped them secure their place a little more firmly in this world.
Let’s try it out and see!
If you’re searching for some connection, a reminder that I love talking about how Marco Polo brought me closer to my friends, especially during the lockdown times of the pandemic, and still. Because days are better when we see the faces of people we love. Here’s a link to try their Plus Pass for free.
What’s Marco Polo? An app for you to exchange video messages with friends and family. They can be however long and they can be watched and sent whenever.
The company is dedicated to connecting people and do so with integrity. Which means they’re not into gamifying the app with likes. There’s nothing here to get you addicted, just totally private conversations with your loves ones! They don’t ask for credit card info to try the free pass, and the regular, totally great version of the app is always free. Because the creators know: human connection is a necessity.
Something Fun
Oh, hi! You made it down this far! I love that for me. Well, to honor your journey to the bottom of the newsletter I have something fun—food! Well, more like a recipe!
Inspired by the plant-fueled, community-thriving, regular walkers-who-also-sleep decently centenarians of Ikaria, Greece, I reached out to my personal-chef-and-also-Greek cousin for a recipe.
Leaning into plants and legumes, here’s something easy and good from her @angelfeast_ account on Instagram.
From Angelique: I just love this one. Every time I make I time travel back to summers camping on the Greek islands. It’s so easy & nutritious. Start by cooking your black eyed peas and grilling your sweet red bell pepper. Next clean, massage and finely chop some kale and onion. Add them all together with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, minced garlic, oregano, honey, salt & pepper. Marinade for 20min and top with smoked fish and sweet balsamic glaze.
Follow @angelfeast_ for more plant-forward, occasionally pescatarian feasts.
Did I mention she’s also a model? As a very proud cousin I couldn’t not show off her recent baby pic. (SHE’S A MODEL AND A NEW MOM…I’m not saying it’s because of the healthy Greek cuisine. But I’m not saying it’s not because of that either.)
Signing off with however-you-say-bon-appétit in Greek! (…Kalí̱ órexi̱!)
xx Mary
I needed this. Thank you, Mary!
See you next weekend! <3