What I've Learned About Resilience in a Year- Fierce Resilience Turns One

And, oh, hi! I've finally come out from under the rock I've been under for a few months...

First of all, hi.

If you’re newish to Fierce Resilience, this is a newsletter designed to help us get through life’s hardest moments. I share studies and stories that inspire us to find a path forward, even when it feels impossible.

Where Have I Been?

I usually send a newsletter every other week, but it’s been a few weeks since I wrote. And the last newsletter from early September was a video check-in wherein I barely posted, just conceded to not really being able to write. (Serving overwhelm and exhaustion vibes.)

So, why no posts in the last few weeks?

Well, I did have a interview post ready and cued up to send and at the last minute didn’t share it because it didn’t feel right…It was a conversation with a digital media thought leader about how we connect with loved ones over long distance when text isn’t enough (and obviously no one’s making actual phone calls). It was a good conversation with an old friend, but for the purposes of a podcast, it felt a little too chatty and took too long to get to the subject (…though maybe it was perfect because we’re all longing for some friends chatting in our ears and maybe I was too critical).

And Reason Two is the real biggie—my husband, daughter and two dogs just completed a big move, across states, that finds us back where we were a few years ago, yet in a completely new way. Everything feels different when you have a kid, even if you’re in a familiar state or town.

So those are the mechanical moments that gave me pause, but really I was going through my own process of finding resilience through some tough life moments.

We’ve moved 4 times in the last 5 years and this last one was…a lot. It took all I had and took longer to recover. For a few reasons.

1. Because we didn’t really want to move but invoked adult decision-making (lame) and realized it was what would be best for our family long-term.

2. Also, because moving with a toddler was more draining than moving with a 2.5-month old (as we did just 18 months ago). Imagine, if you will, a toddler who wakes up in the middle of the night to realize she’s in a foreign room and cannot be soothed. OH AND DID I MENTION THE POMERANIANS?! If it wasn’t our daughter waking up from night hotel noises, it was our sweetly chaotic Pomeranians.) And it didn’t stop when we reached our destination, because of course she was now in a foreign house and room. So, those were long days after long nights.

3. Oh and there had been a hurricane in the middle of it all— we were waylaid, waited it out and adjusted course. Thankfully we were completely safe, but we watched the devastation from Helene unfold in real time, as we were just two hours east of Asheville on the day when the rivers were summiting. We’d planned to drive through Asheville on our trip and instead saw it eviscerated before our eyes on the news, from the safety of our hotel room in Greensboro. My heart goes out to everyone in the Southeast coming back from the terror of the last two hurricanes. My close family lives in Asheville and we are getting updates about the status of rebuilding. Truly, the beautiful spirit of resilience within that community in the face of tragedy astounds me. <3

4. And when it comes to moving every two years (on average) for the last 10 years, just maybe, I’m like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon:

So, getting back to life has taken a while. I also forget that I have MS and that MS-related exhaustion is real, as is toddler-induced exhaustion (yay for daycare! finally!).

But the good news is I’m back and we’re all here, back together.

Writing all that down almost feels like a complaint or a big vent or exhaustion dumping (is that a term? It is now!), but truly the only way to write about resilience and how we get through hard times is to be real about how we actually get through hard times. There’s no one-size-fits all, no “right way” to do it, we’re all here as a part of the universal human struggle to overcome that which overwhelms us.

And so here we are.

As I’ve come out from newsletter hibernation—unfurled myself as a human in a new city with new energy—I’m so happy and grateful for this community and am looking forward to cultivating even more conversation around getting through our hardest moments and finding our inner strengths.

Now, on to this week’s newsletter…

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

Happy Birthday, You Fierce Beast, You

In September, whilst I was in hibernation, this little newsletter turned one year old. And I took a few moments (during some bout of insomnia, I’m sure) to think about what I’ve learned in the past year:

Realization #1: I have no clue. When I approach a topic, it’s because it’s something I’ve been chewing on, or something my friends and I have been talking about. But mostly it’s just a feeling that *this* is the topic that I need to shine a light on at that moment. After I press send, I get a weird feeling because I have no clue what will resonate with people, and yet over and over again, I get messages¹ from readers about the different points they connect with, and it both surprises and pleases me that there’s something relevant to so many in so many different ways. So, as I move forward (though my own self doubt at times), I remind myself of this and that all I can do is be incredibly real and honest and trust my gut and throw the spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks. (Tell me what sticks! See footnote below :)

Realization #2: Everyone is going through something. When I started this newsletter, it was called “Thriving Sometimes” as a nod to Thrive with MS, the content & resource site I created after my MS diagnosis 10 years ago. This newsletter started as writings about a different stage of life; I thought it would chronicle my journey as a person just getting through the day, using the awareness that had gotten me through so many other hard moments in life, and would showcase what it felt like as a new mom with MS, just figuring it all out. But what I’ve learned from the responses I get is that, yes, everyone really is going through something. At any given time, someone’s heart or will or career or finances or relationship is in the process of being eviscerated. This is what keeps me writing; to help us all feel like we’re in it together. Life is hard, you don’t know what the person next to you is going through, and maybe we can find the strength to keep going, just one step at a time.

Which brings me to…

Resilience means being able to cope with tough events. When something bad happens, you still feel anger, grief and pain. But you're able to keep going, both physically and psychologically. — The Mayo Clinic

Realization #3: Resilience is every day moments. It’s not grand actions, but tiny inches that create resilience. I remember moments over the past year writing this newsletter and talking about how to get through tough times while I was personally struggling and had to remind myself, as I do here, that all I can do is put one foot in front of the other to keep going.

And that’s really it, even tiny steps forward will create a big trajectory in a new direction. But also, sometimes it’s so much smaller than that because those tiny steps are what gets us through the worst so we can, in the words of the Mayo Clinic, “keep going, both physically and psychologically.”

So, cheers to a new direction, if that’s what we need, or feeling good right where we are, even when things get tough.

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Mark Your Calendars!

After an extended summer break, our next live Zoom meet up will be Tuesday November 12th! It’ll be a brief check-in to see how everyone is feeling leading into the holiday season with a mini meditation to give us some emotional fortitude for the holidays ahead. …cuz, love the holidays, not the the stress!

Until next time,

xx M

1. Always feel free to message me! Slide right into my DMs through Substack or Instagram, or make a comment in Substack or on the IG post. …Or however you do comments! I love hearing what strikes a chord. xxx