If you’ve noticed that I haven’t written in a while, there’s a reason.
Actually, three reasons.
But first, I’ll say that I tried to start this newsletter a few times. The first time, I was putting it in a very positive, we-can-do-it-here-are-my-health-tools type of vibe. And I just couldn’t finish writing that. While I embrace resilience and finding how we get through life’s hardest moments, I’m not here to be fake about it. I’m not a life coach. Just a human getting through, day-to-day, and sharing what I can or what I’ve learned.
So, here’s what’s been going on:
Spoiler alert! I’ve been in the fun triumvirate of perimenopause, MS, and being a toddler mom. And—as you’ll hear me say in the video confessional, F-bomb and all, it is f**ing me up. I’ve been fully under the boulder of the compounded effect of those things. (for this segment, skip to 13:01)
If you have any overwhelming health or life moments pressing down hard on you, I encourage you to check out the video above. Yes, it’s long, it’s rambly, but—have you me me?! But if you want to skip around, here are some quotes from the full video so you can navigate this story about the riptide that’s pulled me under for a few months:
On perimenopause:
(@ 08:59) “It was then easy to see how much that had been affecting me, how pervasive that hormonal imbalance had been and what it was doing to my brain and my mind. And it felt amazing to come out of that—to suddenly be free from that thing that feels, you know, akin to clinical depression. That binding of activity…like being bound such that you can't do anything—that's how I had been feeling for about two months.”
On the mental load of parenting while unwell:
(@ 04:14) “Everywhere I look, it feels like a lot. And I think my husband was observing this, but not actually knowing what was going on. I wasn't really vocalizing anything. I just sort of internally wanted to hide these feelings and hoped they would just move on on their own.”
A brain fog epiphany:
(@ 05:51) “At any moment it feels like you have 10 balls in the air, and I was like—something important is going to drop. And I need help. Because this is my daughter. She is young. And I can’t...”
On layered life challenges, and how easily we miss the big picture:
(@ 13:30) “There may be so many things happening. We might think it's one thing— we have one chronic disease or a hard time of life. When there may be so many other layers that really make it feel hard. And when we’re in it, we’re just trying to survive. We don’t really see what’s going on inside.”
I know this video one is a long one, but it’s been a long while since I checked in. And I wanted you to know exactly why.
Before I sign off, I want to shout out the centuries of women who went through perimenopause with zero support from the medical establishment or society in general. Same for the disabled, chronic disease community. And shouting out parents going through painful moments, too.
While social media has many, many drawbacks in terms of how it’s mis-wiring our brains, thank goodness it’s helping elevate the voices of those in pain, and helping us get support for the painful parts of life that we never used to speak of.
Until next time,
xxM
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