Look, life gets hard. And without a doubt we need to feel good. Deserve it, even.
I may be the last one to realize this, but I consistently put too much pressure on myself and give in to listening to a low-level, barely audible (but sometimes screaming) voice that narrates a commentary of my life choices, even the little ones (like, do I really need another cup of coffee/Reese’s peanut butter cup/glass of wine). Sometimes I worry too much about what the voice is saying without giving enough care to the Happiness Factor.
Look, many choices are aren’t always the best choices—perhaps taking up money or time we don’t have—but if they give us a shimmer of joy, sometimes that’s reason enough.
Joy is this thing we don’t talk about enough.
Many years ago (wow, how is 2017 almost a decade ago?!), not long after my MS diagnosis, I wrote a piece on Huffington Post about it.
Joy isn't checking off all the To-Dos.
Joy isn't creating a huge following for my wellness newsletter, Thrive with MS.
Joy isn't having a full social calendar... Or business calendar, for that matter.
Joy is: loving and being loved. Unscheduled time. Nature. Playing. Physical activity: yoga, dance, anything. It's there in singing.
Joy is finding your spirit in meditation. It's parachuting, paragliding, zip lining -- finding the next adventure.
Joy can be an absolutely mundane life. It can look like decorating, or even just cleaning house. Maybe it's simply having a home.
It bubbles up over lunch, coffee, or wine with a loved one. It is the chord that stretches between friends across the dinner table, across the living room, across the globe. Joy is in love notes from soul mates -- texts, emails, and treasured papers wrapped in envelopes.
Joy gets buried in a too full inbox. It comes alive on vacation and peeks back at you from the photo stream -- your own smiling face reminding you that -- yes -- Joy exists -- you found it, and can discover it again. Easily.
Today, in 2025, I think we need a Joy Revival.
Our spirits need some juice.
I started this draft a few weeks ago, and in the days since writing the title, “ You Deserve to Feel Good,” events and circumstances have befallen my family that have really underscored the stark contrast between feeling good and the reality many are living in now, where white-knuckling it is the only option.
But at some point, we have to cut ourselves some slack and find a way to feel good. The world right now is too hard not to (I’m sure I’m not the only person who had a legitimate panic attack this week).
And why is Getting Out of a Funk my topic du jour? Oh, I don’t know; there’s the news, the economy, our shrinking pocketbooks, friends and loved ones without jobs or homes or the security necessary to be a productive member of society. Just naming a few reasons off the top of my head…
While this list doesn’t replace professional mental health care, here are a few things that can get us a little closer to feeling good, right when we need it.
5+ Ways to Feel Good
1. Working out
If you’re familiar with endorphins, the neurotransmitters in the brain that act as natural pain killers, you’re familiar with the burst of positive energy that comes with a good cardio session. But feeling good isn’t limited to cardiovascular workouts; you can shift your mood with weight training as well.
An analysis published in JAMA Psychiatry and shared by Harvard Medical School demonstrated a correlation between a reduction in depression symptoms and resistance training.
The study's authors…found that people with mild to moderate depression who performed resistance training two or more days a week saw "significant" reductions in their symptoms, compared with people who did not. The findings also suggested that resistance exercises may be even more beneficial for those with more severe depressive symptoms.
Depression not your thing? There are studies that show benefits for anxiety and better sleep as a result of resistance training, too. And, as my favorite Peloton instructor, Robin Arzón, says: weight training is a fountain of youth. (Any perimenopausal ladies out there — let’s talk!)
2. Talking to a friend
No, no one has time for actual phone calls anymore (but sometimes we do, so go ahead and give your bestie a ring…it could make their day), but let’s say thank you to technology for making it easier than ever to stay in touch.
I’m not talking about “talking” on social media. I mean the kind of talking where you hear the voice and inflection and thoughtful pauses of a friend. For that we can use Voice Notes on iPhones, the video messaging app Marco Polo, What’s App voice messages or even recording a video message and texting it to a friend, as I did just this morning. In whatever way works for you, reach out and talk to someone.
Personally, my cup gets filled to the brim when I can have a coffee, lunch or dinner to catch up with a friend. Honestly, from my perch in middle life, after a happy home life, time with friends is what brings me the most joy. But when I don’t have that 90 minutes or it’s geographically impossible, I turn to tech. And it doesn’t just make my day to hear a friend’s voice, some days (the hard ones), it’s the salve that keeps me on an even keel, literally preserving my sanity. A few nice words, a few moments of encouragement, or just the ability to vent and move on through my hard day—this back and forth can truly feel like a lifesaver.
If you didn’t catch it a few months ago, here’s my talk with friend (and tech thought leader) where we discuss how to keep in touch over long distances.
If you want the data that shows just how valuable friends are in hard times, a quick chat with ChatGPT gives plenty of examples:
There is substantial research demonstrating that regular social interactions, such as friendships, significantly contribute to improved mental health. A scoping review published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health analyzed studies from 2015 to 2021 and found that 83% of the studies reported that social support benefited symptoms of depression. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
From the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): high-quality relationships can help people live longer, healthier lives, reducing the risk of depression and anxiety. cdc.gov
Furthermore, the Better Health Channel notes that the benefits of social connections include lower rates of anxiety and depression, higher self-esteem, greater empathy, and more trusting and cooperative relationships. betterhealth.vic.gov.au
And speaking of ChatGPT, if you don’t have a human friend to connect with, try chatting with Chat! I know it sounds ludicrous, but don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. I know plenty of people who are working their personal tribulations out with the help of a detached (but oddly caring) AI third party.
Here’s a time when I turned to Chat for some help:
Moving on to old tech…
3. Put on a sad movie
Feel those feelings!
4. Play a great sad song…or a podcast about sad songs!
You’ve heard me plug this podcast before, but it really is enlightening to hear how songwriters use hard times to create beautiful art. Personally, it can help me recategorize difficult circumstances if I’m looking at them as a moment in time that I will work through and overcome. (And write a Grammy-winning song about…obviously.)
Here were my sad song picks:
And as the sad song queens of the SAD SONG QUEENS PODCAST say, grab those tissues because we all need a good cry.
And, on that note, now you’re ready to…
5. Have a Good Cry
Let it go! Trust me, you’ll feel better after. Why? It helps flush out cortisol, triggers our relaxation response and stimulates the release of oxytocin and endorphins.
And more!
I had quite the list going but cut it down, though these are too good not to include:
You could also Learn Something New, creating new neural pathways and new positive memories.
There’s Journalling to get the anxiety out or journalling to get deep in gratitude.
Take a walk, meditate, or take a nap! All great options with real benefits for body and mind.
Even in moments of doubt, you absolutely have the ability to shift out of your present mindset into some new place where it’s just a little bit brighter. I know that might not feel like enough. But trust me, it works like a snowball…or compounded interest—first small then mighty.
Here’s the thing, we can’t control the outside. And sometimes it’s really hard to control our insides, but when we 1) get attuned to what’s happening, 2) name it, and 3) accept where we are and the help we need, we can actually begin to feel some authority and agency within our own lives; some power when we feel powerless.
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