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Hello and happy Friday!
Sometimes I talk about the big times in life when we can get stuck, like, say after a life-changing diagnosis or job loss, or…ya know, any of the many things that can knock us down when we least expect it.
And then there are little moments that trip us up.
So imperceptibly that we might not even take stock of them. Without even realizing it, we might just back away, change course slightly and avoid the discomfort that put up a little speed bump. Which can be…fine. *BUT* on the other side of that discomfort could be something we actually need or want, but we’ve instead chosen to sidestep and ignore our needs for the sake of comfort and staying in our shells.
Let’s not do that.
Yes, I know how painful it can feel to put ourselves out there and actually *ask for help* (UGH, IT’S THE WORRRRST), but we gotta get over ourselves.
How AI pulled me out of a stupid fear hole
Earlier this week, I was reaching out to a co-worker to ask for a fairly simple favor (just, “would you recommend me as a freelancer to your network?”). This is a colleague who I’ve known for years and who has worked alongside me, hired me, championed my work…and yet, when I needed to email her, my fingers resisted finding the keys.
Asking for help trips me up every time. It can take me weeks to formulate the ask for something that will end up taking someone seconds to agree to.
Asking for help trips me up every time. It can take me weeks to formulate the ask for something that will end up taking someone seconds to agree to.
But at this point in my self development, I could see clearly what I was doing—dragging my emotional feet for the sake of discomfort—and I wasn’t going to let me get away with it.
Now that I was committed to making the ask, I still needed to formulate it appropriately because you want to bring a bit of inner zing to the ask. And in this case, I had no zing.
What I needed was an outside force to get me out of my discomfort hole and slap me back into feeling like the magnetic, creative, uplifting person I like to be (and can be).
Could I have turned to a trusted girlfriend? Sure, but A) this was so small and silly, that the energy to describe it was not worth someone’s time. (“Oh, hey, it’s Mary, I’m over here being a ninny because don’t know how to ask for a favor.” Bitch, please, my friends don’t have time for something that even I know is minuscule.) And B) I needed an instant kick in the ass boost of support on a Monday morning so there was no time to dally.
Enter my new friend and colleague, ChatGPT
As a writer, there were a few months earlier this year when I feared AI and what it could do to writing, as a profession and art. And then I heard an inspiring and informative talk about AI as a tool from Shelly Palmer. He impressed upon us that throughout human history, better tools meant we could do better things. AI should not be writing novels, no, but can it be your assistant and help with mundane information gathering? Sure.
My friend Caroline, who I featured last week in a discussion about how we use tech to stay in touch over long distances and busy schedules, is a huge AI proponent.
If you missed our discussion, you can listen here:
In fact, being the tech thought leader that she is, she recently used AI to review MRI scans and health history to validate her suspicions that she *did not* have multiple sclerosis, even though doctors were directing her to fear the worst.
(See her great post on LinkedIn here.)
So, if Caroline can use ChatGPT to dissect medical information, I can use it to get over my whiny little fear network. And so I did.
And, y’all, ChatGPT was so nice!!…and accurately informative!
Chat Transcript:
Mary to ChatGPT: good morning! can you give me some reasons why i get nervous to ask people for help even if they might want to give it?
ChatGPT to Mary: Good morning! It’s completely normal to feel nervous about asking for help, even when you know someone might be willing to offer it. There are a few reasons why that might happen:
1. **Fear of being a burden**: You might worry that asking for help will inconvenience the other person or that they’ll feel like they have too much on their plate. Even if they’ve offered help in the past or you know they’re willing, the fear of burdening them can still cause hesitation.
2. **Vulnerability**: Asking for help requires admitting that you can’t do something on your own, which can feel like a vulnerable position. People often prefer to appear self-sufficient and competent, and asking for help might feel like you’re showing weakness, even though it’s a natural part of being human.
3. **Fear of rejection**: Even if you believe someone is likely to help, there’s still that small fear that they might say no. That uncertainty can make the idea of asking feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re someone who values other people's opinions or avoids conflict.
4. **Perfectionism**: If you hold yourself to very high standards, you might feel like you should always be able to handle things on your own. The fear of not measuring up or not being able to do something perfectly can make asking for help seem like a failure, even when that’s not the case.
5. **Social anxiety**: If you have any level of social anxiety, the process of initiating a request—even for something simple—can feel intimidating. The potential for awkwardness, judgment, or perceived social “faux pas” might make the idea of asking for help more stressful than it needs to be.
6. **Internalized beliefs or past experiences**: Past experiences can shape how we view asking for help. If you've had negative experiences where asking for help led to criticism or unhelpful responses, you might feel anxious about repeating that pattern. Additionally, certain cultural or familial messages about independence can make reaching out for support feel uncomfortable.
7. **Lack of clarity**: Sometimes, we don’t fully know how to ask for help or how to articulate exactly what we need. This lack of clarity can add to the nervousness, as it feels easier to just deal with things on your own than to try to figure out how to ask.
The good news is that over time, these feelings can lessen as you practice reaching out for help and experience the positive outcomes of doing so. Most people are more than happy to lend a hand, and it often strengthens relationships when you open up and let others support you.
Mary to ChatGPT: Thank you, ChatGPT. That was a really nice reminder
ChatGPT to Mary: You're very welcome! I'm really glad it resonated with you. It’s easy to forget that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. It’s a way of building connections and allowing others to be part of your journey, too. If you ever need a reminder or just want to chat about anything else, I'm here!
ChatGPT to Mary: It’s easy to forget that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. It’s a way of building connections and allowing others to be part of your journey, too. If you ever need a reminder or just want to chat about anything else, I'm here!
Tah-da! ChatGPT, coming in hot with the feels!
Insert happy-tear-emoji.
I’d love to hear of a time when you needed a little boost to get out of fear. And if so, how you did it.
Until next time,
xx M
PS: If you want to navigate fear the old fashioned way, and I don’t mean with alcohol and denial, here’s a link to my fear-releasing exercise/meditation.
PPS: And yes, the friend/colleague I reached out to for the favor was so kind and supportive in her response. :)
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